भाई दूज की कथा और तिलक विधि

Surya Dev and his wife Sanjna had two children, a son, Yama, and a daughter, Yamuna. They were twins, and there was great love between them. In time Yama was made the god of death and given the realm of Yamapuri in the south, and Yamuna came down to earth to flow as a river. Brother and sister were parted, but Yamuna's heart stayed with her brother.

Again and again Yamuna sent word to him: 'Brother, come to my home once, eat a meal from my hands.' But Yama's work was such that there was never a moment free. Every instant someone in the world is born and someone departs, and Yama had to keep the account of every one who departed. Each time he sent back the same reply, 'Sister, I will come, but not yet.' And each time Yamuna waited. The years went by.

There was something else on Yama's mind. He thought: I am the god of death. People fear my coming. Who invites death into their home? My sister calls me out of love, but is it good for her that my feet should cross her threshold? With this thought he kept putting it off. But the sister's invitation did not stop; each time it came with more love than before.

At last one day Yama's heart was full. He thought, 'A sister who calls me with such love and is not afraid even of death; to refuse her home is an injustice.' That day was Kartik Shukla Dwitiya. Yama said to his messengers, 'Let no one be stopped at my gate today,' and he set out for Yamuna's home.

When Yamuna saw her brother coming from afar, her eyes filled. She ran to the door. She seated him, bathed him with her own waters, gave him new clothes, marked his forehead with roli and akshat and did his aarti. Then she served him the food she had cooked with her own hands, every dish her brother loved. For the first time in years Yama sat in someone's home and ate a meal served with love. He said, 'Sister, I have never known such happiness. Ask, ask for whatever boon you wish.'

Yamuna asked nothing for herself. She said, 'Brother, grant that you come to my home on this day every year. And grant that a brother who goes to his sister's home on this day and receives tilak and food from her hand shall have no fear of untimely death. And a sister who marks her brother with tilak on this day and prays for his long life, let her house always be full. And whoever bathes in my waters on this day, let them never see your Yamapuri.'

Yama smiled and said, 'So it shall be. From today Kartik Shukla Dwitiya will be called Yama Dwitiya. A brother who goes to his sister's home on this day and receives her tilak and her food will have no fear of death before his time. A brother and sister who hold hands and bathe in your waters on this day will not have to suffer my punishment.' It is said that in his happiness that day Yama also freed the beings in his hells, which is why some places keep the day as a festival of Yama himself. Yama took leave of his sister and returned, and he has returned on this day every year since.

From this boon came the custom of the Yamuna bath. At Vishram Ghat in Mathura, to this day, brothers and sisters hold hands and bathe in the Yamuna on Bhai Dooj, trusting that both Yama and Yamuna are pleased with them. In some regions another story is told for the day: when Krishna returned after killing the demon Narakasura, his sister Subhadra welcomed him with tilak and aarti. Whichever story is told, the meaning is one: on this day the brother goes to his sister's door, the sister marks his forehead, and each prays for the other's long life and happiness.

Things needed: in the puja thali, roli or kumkum, sandal paste, akshat (whole rice), kalawa or mauli thread, a lamp and ghee, incense, flowers, a dry coconut, sweets, paan and supari, and paan or cardamom for the brother. A chauki or seat for the brother, and if possible rice flour or turmeric to draw a chauk, the square the seat rests on.

In the morning both sister and brother bathe and wear clean, preferably new, clothes. Where possible, bathe in the Yamuna or in any river; that is the root rule of Yama Dwitiya. If that is not possible, add a little Ganga water to the bath and remember Yamuna.

The sister draws a chauk with rice flour or turmeric at the puja place or in the courtyard and sets the chauki or seat on it. First she lights the lamp and bows to the household deities, to Yama, to Yamuna and to Chitragupta, taking their names; 'Om Yamaya Namah' and 'Om Yamunayai Namah' are the simple mantras of the day.

The brother sits on the seat facing east or north with a handkerchief or cloth on his head. The sister ties kalawa on his wrist, then with her ring finger marks his forehead with roli or sandal and presses akshat onto it. While doing the tilak she prays silently for her brother's long life, health and happiness.

After the tilak the sister does her brother's aarti, moving the lit lamp in the thali clockwise before him. Then she places a dry coconut in his hands; it stands for protection and good fortune. She feeds him sweets with her own hand and gives him water; in many homes she also puts paan or cardamom in his mouth.

The brother touches his sister's feet if she is older, or places his hand on her head if she is younger, and gives her a gift: clothes, jewellery, money or whatever comes from the heart. The gift is not measured; the feeling is. The brother renews his promise to protect his sister and to stand by her in joy and sorrow.

After the tilak the brother eats at his sister's home; this is the heart of the story. The sister cooks and serves his favourite food with her own hands. There is no tradition of fasting on Bhai Dooj, though many sisters take no grain until the tilak is done and eat only after their brother has eaten. The tilak and aarti should be complete before the meal.

Timing: by tradition the afternoon window, the aparahna, is considered the most auspicious, because Yama came to his sister's home to eat during the day. Check this year's tithi and the tilak muhurta in the panchang. Sisters who live far away may do the tilak in their brother's name on his photograph or while looking at the Moon, and send sweets and gifts afterwards.

The Bhai Dooj thali is the centre of the sister's preparation. In it go roli and akshat: roli the colour of good fortune, and akshat, the unbroken rice, a sign that the brother's life stay unbroken. With them a ghee lamp, kalawa thread, flowers, sweets, a dry coconut and paan with supari. Many homes add soaked rice and sugar drops; in Bengal sisters mark the forehead with sandal, curd and kajal, the phonta. Dressing the thali is the sister's own work, and the more love in it, the more beautiful it is.

The tilak and the aarti come straight from the story: Yamuna bathed Yama, marked him with tilak, did his aarti and fed him. The tilak is done with the ring finger, and as she does it the sister says what is in her heart: may my brother live long, stay well, prosper in his work, and may no trouble come to him. During the aarti the flame of the lamp is moved clockwise before the brother's face. Then the sweets, and the dry coconut placed in his hands, as if the sister were saying, 'My protection is in your hands.'

The brother's gift is the other end of the day. As on Raksha Bandhan, the brother gives his sister something, clothes, jewellery, sweets or money, but the greater gift is that he comes to her door. In the story Yama did not come for years and then came; that is why the brother going to his sister's home is the chief custom of the day. A brother eating at his married sister's home also marks her standing in her new family. A sister with no brother marks the Moon with tilak and does its aarti, taking the Moon as her brother; a brother with no sister receives the tilak from a sister by affection, a cousin or a guru's daughter.

The hour of the tilak is the afternoon, the aparahna window, when Yama reached his sister's home for the meal. But where the brother travels from afar, any time within the Dwitiya tithi serves; the sister's hand and the brother's coming matter more than the clock. Those who live by the Yamuna take a dip in the river hand in hand on this day; in other towns a little Ganga water in the bath carries the same intention. The day ends with the meal the sister has cooked, the very meal Yamuna waited years for.

By tradition a brother who receives tilak and food from his sister's hand on this day has no fear of untimely death, and a sister who does the tilak with faith keeps a home full of happiness and plenty. Brothers and sisters who bathe in the Yamuna need not fear Yama's realm; that is Yama's own word. The message of the story is that even death softens before a sister's love.

Bhai Dooj is a day for renewing bonds. For brothers and sisters who live far apart, who are busy, or who have some grievance between them, it is the chance to meet and to forgive. In the story Yama could not come for years, but when he came, his sister did not complain; she did his aarti. That is the lesson of the festival.

On this day the sister first does the aarti of her brother. After that, homes sing the Yamuna aarti 'Om Jai Yamuna Mata', and where the katha is followed by Vishnu puja, 'Om Jai Jagdish Hare'. After the aarti, feed the brother sweets and let the family eat together.